i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
