when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
