It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You made out with two different species that night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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