I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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