Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
