I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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