Umm I'm too high to move.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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