We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
