You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
