Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I queefed so loud it echoed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
