can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Barsexuality is the new black.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
