He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
