Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
