I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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