The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
