I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
