you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
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Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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