i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
