Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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