I'm going to rape someone's good day.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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