Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
