Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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