I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
