i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
