I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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