Me. At least after what I've been through.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
