i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
