I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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