So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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