HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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