Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
