Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
