mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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