This girl is more easily done than said...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
