I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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