Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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