I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
