did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
