mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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