end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You ruined the universe
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
