You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
