I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
