but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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