I seem to have left my pride at pride
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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