I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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