You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
