She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
