they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
