that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
