I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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