Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
