i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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