He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Drunk is a universal language darling
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
