he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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