i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
ok first of all what the fuck
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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