Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
