I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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