Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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