i permit you to call me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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