i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
