his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
