I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
