he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
