and you said cock pushups were impossible
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
