May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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