sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
