I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
