i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
