I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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