well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
