why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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