What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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