ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
