Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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