Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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