She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize