It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
