im about as happy as oj after his trial
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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