After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
