mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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