They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
