I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
