Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
